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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in althune's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, January 1st, 2003
10:25 pm
I must give myself
to this missing
of that joy
and to the life of these winds
these very winds
I sense
on outstretched arms
that portray
that betray
the freedom
I know must exist
in moments
hemmed in
by these stones,
of my concrete perch
and the ending of my flight
of fancy
that informs
that guides me
to and from
these moments
where imagination & hope
beg for the obliteration
of the firm grounding
in my heart
that doesn’t allow, &
whispers that I cannot
cannot ...
though I feel

I must give myself
arms outstretched
to the joy in these winds
these very winds
Thursday, November 21st, 2002
11:52 am
for it must be good bye

to the sun
the sky
the sea
the very winds
I say these words

for it must be good bye

for there’s nothing
left of you
of we
in this space
of empty relics

for it must be good bye

made inevitable
by your will
amid my surrender
your anger falling
‘round my head
and I walk away
like you promised me
I would

for it must be good bye

I the same
though you
not now
maybe never
heard the words
of our life
we’d spoken of

for it must be good bye

and I say these words
to the sun
the sky
the sea
the very winds
these last things we share
and I pray
they carry to you my love
for to you it must be good bye
11:45 am
I need to know

Do you feel it too?

across this silence that makes
the thought of seeing you a joke
the hope of touching you painful

How can one wake to knowing
you’ll carry the question
for the rest of your life
never knowing

Do you feel it too?

‘cause I know I can’t reachout anymore
not if I want to live the life I want
but that question comes up
from the same place that
lets me contemplate my willful,
if you can call it that,

Do you feel it too?

my love, or
for you has that anger healed,
if you can call it that,
the wound
so that I’m no more than another
brick in that wall
you walk behind
when the time to venture forth
is no longer safe to you

Do you feel it too?

I need to know.
Friday, November 15th, 2002
2:54 pm
Usually they’ve the courtesy
to walk where they live
in dreams & unguarded moments
of chin drawn blankets, &
reaching for light
but those are spectres, born
of fear, and the shame we have
in forgetting the concrete world
we’ve layered over
the child we are inside

The unruly, the rude ones, that hurt
after we’ve laughed or chided ourselves
for such dark stray thoughts
come in the light, & the day
or, as we gaze down the street, &
come to us born
of memory and heartache
found in our contrary desire
to see our losses, our pains
in the mundane likenesses
of memories we can’t let go.
These spectres
who only grow dimmer
never older.
Saturday, September 28th, 2002
11:12 pm
maybe we can gnaw on these

its all the same
not that I mind
but it is
and it makes
the year feel lost

for I know
the world has spun
the sun has turned
and none of us has grown younger
knowing this year
I learned that life moves on
and that I age
in more
than ticking moments
Even if its all the same

after so much heart’s
been spent
to shape and mold
the relief we want
to lay our lives in
and in the unpleasant
shared slumber
you awaken to uncarven blocks
and know
its all the same

even more so
if you’ve laid it all out
contorting your self
bending your will
to find a new day
just to discover
you’re repeating yesterdays
that are all the same.
9:55 pm
You’re going your way,
and, I’m goin’ mine,
Different ways on the same street.
Huddled against the rain,
Waiting behind the others,
Their tented papers and umbrellas
a canopy blocking our sight
forward and back.
Other than to see each other
for that moment, and a smile
as we pass
eyes deflecting only to the sky
hoping that the squall will end,
and we could cross
But the rain blurs our eyes.
and the forecast for rain
all day
echoes as we turn on.
You’re going your way
and, I’m goin ‘ mine.
9:51 pm
Carrying the spectres of souls
who checked out before their time
is no way to live
but driving , smoking, singing
to old blues songs
sung by voices recorded
by other spectres
only reminds me
I don’t have the courage
to follow them
nor the blanket of fear
to run from all the feelings
to run to nothing so much as wanting
a break from the same fears and feelings

Carrying the spectres of souls
who checked out before you
with echoed goodbyes, or
silent questions
is no way to live
but its no way to die either
even if you’re listening to the callings
of recorded yearnings
of old souls tapped, into
the groove of it all.
Friday, May 11th, 2001
9:23 am
Friday, Yay!
It's been a long week and I haven't had a lot of time to get stuff done around my house. The place looks like I was baby sitting 25 hyperactive 4 year olds all sporting a Pixie-Stick IV drip. The grass in my backyard is so tall that my dog can't squat with out getting an intimate message on his most intimate of areas from the grass. This wouldn't be a deal breaker for me but he doesn't seem to be fond of it.
Tonight I am taking my housemate, Tavi, out for his birthday dinner. I gave him choices between Checkers, Perkins, or Denny's this morning but I somehow believe he's going to "think outside the box" that I provided for him. Secretly I hope he is so we can go someplace just a wee bit more classy like IHOP! ;D
Back to the grind of work. I have to write my "tactical plan" for the coming year. A pointless exercise if you ask me. Its supposed to be the guide as to what my goals are for the next year. That being the case you would think that they might possibly be mentioned at least once during the year. NOPE. The only time they are ever mentioned is when it comes time to write them again the next year. sigh.... Another pile of nouveau management horseshit being used as an excuse to not actually leading or managing anyone. I think alot of these "management tools" take more time away from actual efficiency. When I was in the fleet the most useful tool for management was "MBWA" ~ management by walking around. Stay in communication with your workers and peers, keep them advised of current and long term goals and things work. I think alot of time these overly produced "tools" are machinations for people who can't actually manage and lead. A rant on my part.

Later Alligator....
1:06 am
Sad News....
My girlfriend's cat got loose. It hasn't spent any time out doors since it was a wee kitten. She is posting pictures and flyers. I hope the kitty makes it home safe and sound. Sorry babes. I'll keep a prayer on a wing for Echo (any you want to spare out there in viewer land will be appreciated also). Floyd sends out a meaty howl, and couple of good barks as good hopes for his feline cousin to babes!
Thursday, May 10th, 2001
9:24 am
Went and saw the Mummy Returns last night.
Its a fine movie. You just can't think about it too much. I liked Brendan Frazier as an action hero. He's got the looks, he's big, and he does the one liners well. I hope he makes more movies where he plays the heroes in the "Indiana Jones" vein. There were a couple of things that bugged me about the movie though.
To preface a couple of weeks ago I went and saw the director Peter Wier speak. You may have seen a couple of his films, Gallipoli, Dead Poet's Society, Witness, The Truman Show . You know a few films that kind of did ok ...
One of the only things that Mr. Wier spoke critically of was the importance not to historically alter things sensitive to peoples history and sacrifice just for entertainment devices. His example was the movie U-571 (a movie similar to the Mummy fun, but don't think about it too much). The movie recast the heroes as American sailors that captured the Geman enigma machine aboard a floundering U-Boat. This feat had actually been acomplished by British sailors. There were many in Great Britain that thought this was disrespectful to the memory of the sailors that risked their life. The criticism here is that there is no reason that the movie needed to have American heroes. Granted the film is for American audiences it would have been just as plausible to have an American lead serving with a British crew to accomplish the feat, and might have even added another element, hi-lighting the difficulties of maintaining an alliance during war time.
I give this preface because (not that the Mummy isn't rife with historical inaccuracies ... but its a fantasy so who cares!?!) In the film however they "recast" Queen Nefertiti as a white, Anglo woman. All historical representations of her show her as a woman of color, not specifically Sub-Saharan or North African, regardless not Anglo. From many discussions I've had in the past, there are many people, especially members of the African American community that view that representation with a certain pride. Egyptian culture, art, and accomplishments are appreciated because they are African, and predated much of Western Culture. The veracity and or historical accuracy of this representation I can not attest to (I am familiar with, but am not a scholar in these discussions), but I can attest to these feelings. Now in this movie they don't necessarily say its "the" queen, and in later Egyptian eras many of the rulers were Greek and "lighter" skin toned. However the movie doesn't address any of it leaving the implication there, and intentionally so I believe. In my opinion they could have avoided it all by just giving her a different non-historical Egyptian name (as they did with almost all of the other characters) and I don't think the story would have been impacted at all.
Ok so enough with the microscope, gnat's ass, rarified intellectual complaint. The other is more of an annoyance with the adventure genre in general. Why do the writers always paint themselves into a corner where the only way out is an amazing coincidence, a nick of time rescue, or people accomplishing something that is utterly implausible, or implausible enough that it breaks your suspension of disbelief. You know the kind where you stop and go, "Oh, come on.....". Often with a little extra thought these moments could be avoided. The easiest example, the heroes fighting a timer with 15 seconds that takes something like five minutes of screen time to get through ... ahhh ... just write the time a little longer and no one would be looking at their own watches going, "ok that timer must be moving backwards". It nit-picky but I know I am not alone in noticing these moments.
Enough of the complaints...I liked the movie, it was fun. The effects were great and for a nice two hours to forget the world and just lose your self in a fantasy, it was worth the $8.00. Not to mention I saw it at the Uptown. The theater is an amazing old place remodeled with state of the art sound, and a huge screen (70' x 40'). I think even Ishtar might be fun to watch there ... well maybe not.
Wednesday, May 9th, 2001
3:45 pm
Little frustrated at work. I handle a chunk of the financial matters for a non-profit (read safe haven for the non-aggressive). Working for our president is so annoying. She just chopped and bled all over a letter that I use in conjunction with our charity work. She approved it for use, with changes, two weeks ago, and said it was fine. She was the one who wrote it originally. So I have had to do the work over three times because she edited, and found errors repeatedly ... with a document that she wrote.
I think if I just reprinted the letter and gave it back to her she would either ok it, or leave her previous marks unnoticed and find new ones. I feel like I am chasing my own tail.
sigh ...
9:23 am
Good Morning all...
Another typical morning on the metro. Join the lemming express on its never-ending loop to downtown DC. However last night was a little different. Apparently I had Nigel Mansell at the helm of the train. Every start sent all of us "standers" to the end of the train flying to the rear, giving us the chance to get to know each other in all new ways. Every stop, the impromptou networking reception made a quick dash to the front end of the train. The only thing I can think of, to explain it all was, that the driver was a mole for whoever makes the brakes for the Metro system.
I don't mind the Metro though because I get to read alot. I recently finished reading a couple of books by Naguib Mahfouz. He is an Egyptian author who won the Nobel Prize in 1988. His works are lyric, tight and for me give the impression that I am not reading but instead sitting in a room having an old mystic story teller spin stories about figures, living beings, meant to show me the frailty and beauty of life. Please check him out!
The book that I am reading right now is by C.S.Friedman. I like the fantasy genre alot, and this book really puts a new spin on it. The world is one colonized by space travelling humans 1200 years earlier, however, the planet has natural forces "fae" that work on the planet to make peoples' imaginations, worries, thoughts come to fruition. As a result they had to abandon the use of much of their automated technology because they couldn't count on it to function (what if someone worried it wouldn't work ....). Further, the planet has evolved into a world eschewing technology, almost medieval in its culture. To boot there is also "magic" performed by people have studied and focused on the ability to control this wild "fae". hey work at odds of "the Church" which has risen to help people provide structure to their thinking and focus their thoughts on things more wholesome and suited for the weal of all. It's a really interesting, fresh take on the fantasy genre. Enjoy ...
Tuesday, May 8th, 2001
8:45 pm
Some great music I am listening to...
About a week ago I went to Philadelphia to spend the weekend with a great friend of mine, Kevin. We write plays together and met in the Navy. We've been friends for almost ten years, and always have a great time together.
This weekend we went and saw G Love and the Special Sauce. It was a good show, they played a long set, and really put energy into it because Philly's their home town. My favorite part of the night was the opening act though. They are named The Kelly Bell Band. They are from Baltimore and call their music "Phat Blues Music". Its a mix of blues, roadhouse, rock-a-billy, go-go with jazz influences. They put on a great show and their discs are only seven dollars on their website. I picked up both. Check 'em out, they're alot of fun if you dig that style. Night all!
12:28 pm
Who would have thought three entries in one day...
New found effort to post, thoughts on art, and the beginning of a nice whopping migraine headache have all lent themselves to me not doing real work at the moment, and just taking it easy for a little while. That being the case I thought I would post a link to some of my favorite paintings. My office tends to be a place with one million and a half things occuring at once (whose isn't?). In an attempt to bring a little peace to the office I have hung art that has a calming effect for me. I went and found their images on the web and thought I would share.
The first is by John Singer Sargent . It is of an Islamic woman preparing for prayer. Singer had a very suggestive brushstroke ... meaning not all the lines were clearly defined. The soft edges, and suggested borders contribute to the overall serenity of the image. Also tonally the image is very unified with many pale yellow, gold, cream and offwhite colors. The whole image creates for me a meditative dream like mood.

I apologize for the next two. Their quality on the web page isn't that great but it is the best that I could find.
The first is by Salvador Dali. I love this painting because its very unusual compared to many of his other works. Usually they include many imbedded images, multiple subjects, and overall a high degree of visual complexity. This particular painting is much more "focused" and serene, though if you were able to look more closely, it has many of the frequent images Dali incorporated in the larger body of his work. Here they are used more sparingly and in a more subtle way. For me the effect is an image that provides a sense of solitude and separation. A feeling I need to foster sometimes when swamped by work.
Finally, a painting by Primrose Paschal of a mother and child. The picture shows the pair in a setting obviously not meant to be thier home. This is suggested by thier clothing not matching the interior, and the tea and biscuit set out for them. However there is still a quiet dignity to them and the child looks out with an innocent daring, despite being "guests". The mother has a protective arm around the child and appears to be looking down or even napping. This captured moment of care and peace in an alien environment combined with the lush yet muted colors (that tie beautifully from the cup to the flowers to the childs dress) combine for a painting that really centers my thoughts and helps me find a moment of peace.

Hope you enjoy them and enough of the art professor for today I think ... :D
11:21 am
Thomas Cole
My babes and I went to the National Gallery of Art in DC this weekend. It was a great time, and it brought up a lot of different emotions for me. My degree is in Art History, and being in a museum and viewing art, reminded me how much I truly enjoyed it. How much I loved "deciphering" the art for what the artist intended, seeing if that at all matches up with what I get from viewing it from my perspective, and then simply enjoying it for its beauty, or lack of it, if that's what the artist was intending. I also felt a little sad, because it made me realize exactly how "rusty" I was and how much I had forgotten in the years between my studies and now. Real life has a way of intruding on things if you don't keep them sharp ;D
Thought I would post a link up to my favorite artist. His name is Thomas Cole, and he's one of the premiere painters of the Hudson River Valley school. They were the first major American "school". I enjoy them, and Cole especially, for two reasons. On the surface the paintings are usually well crafted, beautiful and grand in their scope. They are some of the most skilled landscape paintings you'll see. You can take the paintings purely on that level, not need to look at all deeper and enjoy them for that. However many of the painters were naturalists and were similiar in their thinking to Emerson and Thoreau. Often in the paintings there are images where humans and our culture are making the first inroads into these pastoral settings. The comment and belief here being that coming from the old world, America in comparison was the last vestige of pure nature, or as they would put it, "God's hand on earth". They believed that the new burgeoning nation did not appreciate this unique pristine beauty and were intruding upon it. Therefore the paintings were comments upon the role of man and nature, and an attempt to preserve in some way the image of what was present at the time. In light of todays ecological movement, it puts their "landscapes" in a different light and makes you appreciate how forward thinking their thought process was for the early 1800's. But I ramble...

Without further ado ... Thomas Cole enjoy!
10:09 am
Going to try and post something at times
Mostly because the lady in my life enjoys the web and uses her journal frequently. I know she would appreciate it if I would post here sometimes. I 've always had a bit of an issue with the use of a journal online. Mostly that if I have an issue with something or someone I would rather discuss it directly. With these journals I have always felt a sense of removal, or distance from the subject I wish to discuss. Granted that may be the very thing that works for so many that use the journal on a daily basis. For me it has not been my preferred mode of communication.
Essentially that is a disclaimer to say, I am going to try and post more often, but ... I can not promise a lot of juicy "soap-operatic" postings of my life. Not that they aren't happenning (they are more likely than the probability of losing a shoe in a cow pasture) but I don't really think I'll be writing about them here all that much. We'll see what comes up. Hopefully it will be remotely interesting. My bet, in that regard, is on the cow pasture.
Tuesday, March 20th, 2001
2:54 pm
something a little odd...
To say that I post infrequently would be an understatement. However I have posted twice in the last few months. The two entries were posted 55 days apart ... at exactly the same minute. Weird....
9:29 am
:-) Not a fan of Kathie Lee Gifford
And no one sums up the way she should be viewed and received better than Tom Shales of the Washington Post. Enjoy!!
Wednesday, January 24th, 2001
9:29 am
Single speaker, of songbird swarm
on gnarled gaunt limbs, of winter fell tree

cuts through wind and frost
with notes of heat and green

carrying scented memories
of his summer brother’s song

removing for stretched moments
shuttered thoughts and clutching grips.

and with sudden sparks of sound
clouds of numbers, take to wing

with their splendid speaker sitting center.
Stretching, ears long to hear his song.
Thursday, July 20th, 2000
10:50 pm
Control what you can control...
This seems to be a typical, cryptic, "new age" saying that would seem to be, at it's best, annoying. It is however something that I have found myself saying so many times, to myself and others, in the last few years.
Lets face it life is tough. No magical answers have come with age and the one thing that I am indeed certain of is that I know less now than I thought I did just a few years ago. At this rate I will be completely devoid of answers by the age of 35.
I do keep running into the idea of "control what you can control". It amazes me, the way I, and so many other people around me, get so wrapped up in external things of which we have no control. Trust me I am not saying this as some attack on getting involved with life, taking a stance, or joining a cause, quite the opposite, I am saying understand what it is you are able to effect and put your energy toward it.
I am lazy at my heart, I know this, am not abashed by the fact. Mostly I am emotionally lazy, in that, I don't want turmoil in my life. Dont get me wrong I am not a coward or simply don't speak my mind, that's not the case. I just don't like turmoil, anger, and confusion. They take too much energy. Energy a lazy guy like me would rather spend somewhere else. It seems that so often though we spend ourselves wrapped up in difficulties, problems and issues that we have little to no hope of having an impact upon.
Granted there are those things that require the leap of faith, the attempt to get involved with something that we don't see the immediate effect upon, but that is a different case. Those I believe still have to do with the control of our own hope our own belief in how we want to approach the world.
Our lives are short, there are so many ways we can distract ourselves from meeting our potential. There are even more that will not only distract, but pull us farther from accomplishing those things of which we are capable. If we realized the worth we have within us, the innate capability I think we would be astonishing to behold. If we didn't weigh our own thoughts down with the worries and demands of other people and things that are given not to help us but instead bring us to the level of their fear or anger, we could be ... awe inspiring, and awe struck by the happiness and success we'd find. end of soapbox.
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